I'm a Tebowliever

Let me begin with this disclaimer.

I am a huge fan of the Oakland Raiders.

Diehard.

And that’s what this team does to its fans.

It kills us.

Yes, we have won three Super Bowls.

But the last one happened when I was in high school.

And lets just say that the silver in my hair has nothing do with the Raiders colors.

Good or bad I haven’t missed a game all year.

Including last week’s disaster in Miami.

This week’s disaster in Green Bay.

And next week’s disaster against Detroit.

But we will bounce back.

We always do.

And then we will lose again.

We always do that too.

Screw the box of chocolates.

Life is like the Raiders.

You never know what you’re gonna get.

Win or lose, they are my Raiders.

And they’ve got my unconditional love.

But reality is reality.

Whatever we had going for us a few weeks ago.

Is gone.

Long gone.

The way things are going right now, there’s a better chance of me running a marathon.

Uphill.

Both ways.

Barefoot.

In a snowstorm.

Than there is the Raiders making the playoffs.

The same can’t be said for the rival Denver Broncos.

It was really cute two months ago when their lovable lefty quarterback pulled out a miracle win against the Dolphins.

But then he did it again.

Against the Raiders.

And the Chiefs.

And the Jets.

And the Chargers.

And the Vikings.

But what happened on Sunday against the Bears was nothing short of divine interception.

Ok, it was a fumble.

But you get the point.

Houdini would’ve blushed at the way this game finished.

This ending was so far fetched, I thought I was watching the Buffalo Wild Wings commercial.

Tim Tebow is far from perfect when it comes to playing a football game.

But when it comes to talking the right game, he is a Hall of Famer.

Humble.

Optimistic.

Fearless.

I could go on all day.

I’ve got thesaurus.com bookmarked.

Now as a disciple of the Lox, Eggs & Onions, I could do without all his “my lord and savior” stuff.

But when you’ve pulled out more miracles than Elijah you can praise any one you want.

There’s no question that Tim Tebow’s recent success has opened many eyes around the country.

But thanks to my friend Jon, I knew about this train way before it left the station.

Almost a decade ago Jon told me about this home-schooled high school kid in his Jacksonville neighborhood.

The next big thing.

But even after winning a National Championship.

As a freshman.

A Heisman Trophy.

As a sophomore.

Another National Championship.

As a Junior.

Being selected 25th out of the 255 players in the 2010 draft.

Tim Tebow was still considered nothing more than a joke.

But who’s laughing now.

The Broncos have won seven of their last eight games with Tebow under center.

They are locked in first place.

On the verge of making the playoffs.

Tim Tebow is as legit as M.C. Hammer.

As a Raiders fan, it’s been difficult to watch.

But thanks to my friend David, everything is getting more in focus.

Like me, David is a Raiders fan.

And like me, we both hope there’s one of them miracles ahead for the Silver and Black.

We spoke last week after the Broncos last second win in Minnesota moved them into a first place tie with our team.

When David heard the woe is me in my voice, he knew it was time to bring out some Tebow-style inspiration.

David told me that because of his undying love for the Lakers and the Dodgers.

He spent his childhood hating Pete Rose and Larry Bird.

Instead of appreciating their genius.

Now as a much more mature sports fan, he wasn’t going to let that happen again.

The Raiders are still #1 in his heart.

But instead of rooting against everything Broncos.

He is sincerely enjoying a phenomenon that we have never seen before.

And may never see again.

He is a Tebowliever.

I knew exactly where he was coming from on the whole Rose/Bird thing.

To this day, I get sick every time I think of John Elway or Graig Nettles or Jack Clark or ...

I could go on.

But the point is, what we are seeing with the Broncos right now is nothing short of ... miraculous.

And rooting against Tim Tebow just because of the color of his... 

uniform... 

...is rooting against everything that is right with sports.

Enjoy the ride.

Go Raiders!

Monday Night Foot-In-The-Mouth

I’ve done plenty of stupid things in my life.

Most of them in college.

But somehow I survived.

Somehow.

I’ve said plenty of stupid things in my life as well.

Many of them on this here blog I’m sure.

Sometimes the words just come out of the mouth.

Before the brain can stop them.

I call it the -- Fire, Ready, Aim syndrome.

I could give you the billboard top 100 of my screw-ups.

But for today, lets jump straight to #1.

The undisputed champ.

It goes a little something like this.

A few years ago I got a surprise call from a former colleague.

A friend.

Out of the blue.

“Hey, it’s a voice from your past.”

Wow!

I said.

In my head.

Fondly recalling how much I enjoyed working with him.

But instead of saying...

“What a great surprise.”

Or...

“How are you?”

Or...

“How is the family?”

I went outside the box.

“How’s the hair?”

Yep.

“How’s the hair?”

Holy Dan Quayle Batman!

Before my brain could find the emergency shutoff switch, I somehow fit my entire size 11 directly into my mouth.

Somehow.

“How’s the hair?”

What the hell does that mean anyway?

My colleague, who probably once considered me a friend, said the only thing he could.

“What?”

And there it was.

My opening.

Now this is when someone with half a brain would crumple up paper in the phone and hit the disconnect button.

Or scream -- “I said, HOW ARE THINGS OVER THERE?”

Or “do you like your steak rare?”

Or anything that rhymes with “hair”.

Except the word HAIR.

But instead, I said it again.

“How’s the hair?”

Yikes.

After nearly an entire quarter-second of his fake -- nervous -- laughter.

I told him I always liked his hair.

PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!

Believe it or not that was the last time we spoke.

It’s been about eight years now.

I have always looked forward to the day that I run into him.

In person.

I always wanted the opportunity to explain to him, face-to-face, what really happened.

It’s very simple.

Brain fart!

Period.

That’s it.

Nothing more.

Unfortunately I’ve never had that chance.

And who knows if I will.

I can’t do this apology in 140 characters.

Or less.

So tweeting is not an option.

Neither is texting.

Can you imagine his horror if he saw an email from me in his inbox.

Subject:  HAIR APOLOGY.

How ‘bout an old fashioned phone call?

Really?

Oh the damage I could do on that call.

Amazingly he did friend me on facebook a couple of years ago.

And I immediately accepted.

We exchanged some very basic greetings.

(I think I read mine out loud 1400 times before hitting send.)

Hey let’s face it, we are all capable of saying stupid things.

George W. made a career of it.

And he somehow got re-elected.

Somehow.

There are certainly no rules on who is capable of saying stupid things.

I’ve done it.

You’ve done it.

Jessica Simpson’s done it.

Anybody can join this club.

And today we welcome a new member.

Hank Williams Jr..

Oh Henry.


He must’ve had one too many before his interview with the Fox News Channel on Monday morning.

Or he is just plain stupid.

Coin flip.

Comparing President Obama to Rutherford B. Hayes.

Perhaps.

They both claim to have gone to Harvard Law School.

Comparing Obama to Larry Bird.

Perhaps.

They both did things no man of (their) color have done before.

But comparing Obama to Hitler.

On National TV.

Yes, that Hitler.

Is there another?

Really Junior?

That's almost too much for the Fox News Channel.

Almost.

There are at least six million reasons why Hank shouldn't have gone there.

And he still went there.


Actually what Hank Jr. said is not stupid.


It's a whole lot worse.


That's not an off the top of the head brain fart, "How's the Hair?"


What Hank said on Monday morning is exactly how he felt.


Which is the scariest thing of all.


Comparing OUR President, whether you like him or not.


To Adolf Hitler!

Are you ready for some backlash?

He better be.

Other than a high five or two at the Rick Perry Family Ranch, Hank took a hit in court of public opinion.

ESPN instantly removed Hank from the start of their Monday Night Football broadcast.

Something he’s been doing for 20 years.

But this is America.

And despite his despicable choice of words, Hank Williams Jr. will somehow live to sing another day.

Somehow.