Free Your Mind

It has taken awhile.

But my wife has finally given in.

And it wasn’t easy.

But when we finally move into a new home.

We are getting a new dog.

I guess I should say, we are getting another dog.

We are not exactly turning in the old one.

SPORT

We love our little girl, Sport.

Yes, Sport is a girl.

We let our son name her.

And since he has two sisters, he was determined to give the girl dog -- a boy’s name.

Now we have tried twice before to bring a second dog into the mix.

The first time it was Sport’s sister.

Lucy.

But that only lasted a week.

Then we brought in Ryker from a local animal shelter.

But that only lasted a month.

Ryker was a fence jumper.

And our neighbors weren’t impressed.

But the third time is going to be a charm.

In fact, I have already started looking.

As John Wooden said, failing to prepare is preparing to fail.

So this time we are going to get the perfect match for Sport.

In fact just yesterday I decided to go online and search for “Free Puppies”.

It’s not that we are not willing to pay.

And it’s not that we are necessarily looking for a puppy.

But we had to start somewhere.

So I started at FreePuppies.net.

I’m Jewish and I love free.

My wife is Korean and she loves puppies.

How perfect.

At the top of FreePuppies.net is an explanation of exactly who they are:

Welcome to free puppies listings site. FreePuppies.net is a one stop free puppies classifieds to sell, buy and adopt free puppies. Check our puppies for sale section to sell your puppies for free.

“Check our puppies for sale section to sell your puppies for free.”

Huh?

I knew it sounded too good to be true.

Free Puppies?

Newman!

Well they say that nothing in life is free.

But clearly “they” haven’t heard about my 2004 PT Cruiser.

That’s the car my mom recently gave to me.

For free.

Ok, I did have to get the oil changed and radiator flushed.

And the registration.

And it did need a good scrubbing.

Then I did blow that tire.

But hey, the car was free.

Well, it WAS free.

The other night when I got home I shut off the engine and noticed that my “door” light on the dash was lit.

So I figured one of those damn kids left the door ajar.

Have you ever used the word “ajar” without the word door in front of it?

Me neither.

Anywhoo...  I walked around and opened and closed each of the four doors, plus the fifth in the back.

Several times.

I opened and closed so many doors, I felt like Monty Hall.

And still I couldn’t get that light to go off.

So I decided I would give the car a little ride down the block and by some miracle it would go away.

I hadn’t even left the driveway when I realized that not only was the door light still on.

But every meter on the dashboard was no longer working.

The speed-o-meter.

The od-o-meter.

The oil-o-meter.

But the dome light was working just fine.

In fact, it wouldn't shut off.

Ok, now we’ve got a problem.

This was Friday night.

At around 9p.

So every mechanic was closed.

But I figured if I left the car in the driveway all night, with the dome light on, the car battery would be dead by morning.

Sharp, I am.

So I drove the car to the local mechanic and left it there.

This way it would already be there in the morning.

When I went back at 7:45am, the door light was still on.

And the dome light was still on.

But the car started up right away.

Made no sense to me.

But it was in good hands now.

And a few hours after they got a look at the car.

My phone rang.

Apparently the dingledorf on the doohickey had a thingamabob near the whatschamacallit.

All I heard was rhubarb and garbage, peas and carrots.

The bottom line is.

The dash was dead.

But the good news is it will only take 5-7 days to fix.

Well, 5-7 business days.

And $650.

Including tax.

Of course, I said yes.

What choice did I really have.

Good thing the car was free.

Just like the new puppy.

A New Ride

My Christmas present just arrived.

Yes, it may seem a little late for Christmas.

But it’s exactly what I was hoping for.

A 2004 PT Cruiser.

Pewter in color.

And since Santa is done for the season, my older brother Kevin was the one who delivered it.

He drove the car more than a thousand miles, 1284 to be exact, to get it to me.

About seven years ago, my mom bought the brand new car when she was living alone in San Diego.

It took her everywhere she needed to go.

Which apparently was right around the corner.

That’s because in those seven years she put a whopping 12,000 miles on the car.

12,000 divided by 7.   Carry the one.

Wow.

I do more than that just going to Starbucks.

When my mom moved into an assisted living facility near us, she left the car in Southern California.

About a year ago Kevin picked it up and drove it home with him to the other side of the state.

We had all planned on Kevin selling the car and giving all of the proceeds to my mom’s college fund.

But that never happened.

And that’s a good thing.

When we decided to make the big move to New York, I decided to sell my big phat luxurious car.

I figured I didn’t need any car while I was living in the big city.

And I didn’t need a nice car when we moved to the ‘burbs.

Enter Phillip Travis Cruiser.

His friends call him PT.

What a perfect ride for what I needed.

And the perfect price too.

Free.

Happy Jewish Christmas!

And a few days ago my brother delivered the goods.

Talk about full service.

While he was here, we got some good solid quality brotherly bonding time.

And a bunch of great meals in too.

He’s 14 years older than me, so we probably have more in common now than ever before in our life.

When he was 18, he really didn’t want to hang with a four-year old.

Plus he always loved skiing and surfing and fishing.

And I loved... eating ice cream.

And sitting on a couch.

But now that we are both old.

And gray.

We talk all about all sorts of things.

Like when Muhammed Ali beat Sonny Liston.

Or Bob Dylan’s Blonde on Blonde album.

Or the Food Network.

During his stay, I think we hit all of those.

And more.

When he got the car here, he handed me the keys and a list of things I needed to get done.

And so far, so good.

Oil change.   Check.

Radiator flush.  Check.

Rear Wiper.  Check.

Detail.  Check.

Registration.  Check.

Insurance.  Check.

Tires.   Not yet.

We figured that with less than 15,000 miles on the tires, they should be ok for a while.

I took them to the local tire dealer to check the air and double check the rubber.

They said the tires were a little worn on the side, but they should be fine through the winter.

“But keep your eye out for the Michelin $70 rebate and get them done then.”

REBATE????  

That’s the third word they taught me in Hebrew School.

You don’t want to know the first two.

I’m in.

Well as my luck would have it, tonight I was at Costco -- the greatest store in the world -- when I saw a sign.

Not a sign from God.

A sign from Costco.

BUY FOUR MICHELIN TIRES AND GET $70 OFF.

Sold!

So I went in to buy my four tires, get my $70 off, and check one more thing off my list.

But the Costco we were at only had one of the tires.

They told me that the Costco closer to where we are living had the other three I needed.

So we bought the one tire and headed home.

Ready to make the trek to the closer Costco in the morning.

About one mile from our home, with a fresh Michelin sitting in the back of the Cruiser, God’s sense of humor kicked in.

It sounded something like this.

THUMP.   THUMP.   THUMP.   THUD.

No way.

Way.

When I got out to check, I noticed the front left tire was as flat as the pancakes at Waffle House.

And if I noticed it, it had to be obvious.

I can’t even change my own oil.

Or my own tire.

Thankfully that’s where AAA kicks in.

While we were waiting for the tow truck, we did the walk, in near freezing weather, to get the kids home.

Then my wife drove me back to the car.

And within minutes the truck arrived.

And within seconds the guy put the donut on the wheel.

Or the axel on the rim.

Or the rubber on the whatever.

Whatever he did, he did it so quickly, I didn’t have time to say, “how’d you do that?”

No biggie.  I’ve made it 43 years without changing my own tire.

Why start now?

Too bad my brother wasn’t there.

I’m sure he'd know how to do it.