Free Your Mind

It has taken awhile.

But my wife has finally given in.

And it wasn’t easy.

But when we finally move into a new home.

We are getting a new dog.

I guess I should say, we are getting another dog.

We are not exactly turning in the old one.

SPORT

We love our little girl, Sport.

Yes, Sport is a girl.

We let our son name her.

And since he has two sisters, he was determined to give the girl dog -- a boy’s name.

Now we have tried twice before to bring a second dog into the mix.

The first time it was Sport’s sister.

Lucy.

But that only lasted a week.

Then we brought in Ryker from a local animal shelter.

But that only lasted a month.

Ryker was a fence jumper.

And our neighbors weren’t impressed.

But the third time is going to be a charm.

In fact, I have already started looking.

As John Wooden said, failing to prepare is preparing to fail.

So this time we are going to get the perfect match for Sport.

In fact just yesterday I decided to go online and search for “Free Puppies”.

It’s not that we are not willing to pay.

And it’s not that we are necessarily looking for a puppy.

But we had to start somewhere.

So I started at FreePuppies.net.

I’m Jewish and I love free.

My wife is Korean and she loves puppies.

How perfect.

At the top of FreePuppies.net is an explanation of exactly who they are:

Welcome to free puppies listings site. FreePuppies.net is a one stop free puppies classifieds to sell, buy and adopt free puppies. Check our puppies for sale section to sell your puppies for free.

“Check our puppies for sale section to sell your puppies for free.”

Huh?

I knew it sounded too good to be true.

Free Puppies?

Newman!

Well they say that nothing in life is free.

But clearly “they” haven’t heard about my 2004 PT Cruiser.

That’s the car my mom recently gave to me.

For free.

Ok, I did have to get the oil changed and radiator flushed.

And the registration.

And it did need a good scrubbing.

Then I did blow that tire.

But hey, the car was free.

Well, it WAS free.

The other night when I got home I shut off the engine and noticed that my “door” light on the dash was lit.

So I figured one of those damn kids left the door ajar.

Have you ever used the word “ajar” without the word door in front of it?

Me neither.

Anywhoo...  I walked around and opened and closed each of the four doors, plus the fifth in the back.

Several times.

I opened and closed so many doors, I felt like Monty Hall.

And still I couldn’t get that light to go off.

So I decided I would give the car a little ride down the block and by some miracle it would go away.

I hadn’t even left the driveway when I realized that not only was the door light still on.

But every meter on the dashboard was no longer working.

The speed-o-meter.

The od-o-meter.

The oil-o-meter.

But the dome light was working just fine.

In fact, it wouldn't shut off.

Ok, now we’ve got a problem.

This was Friday night.

At around 9p.

So every mechanic was closed.

But I figured if I left the car in the driveway all night, with the dome light on, the car battery would be dead by morning.

Sharp, I am.

So I drove the car to the local mechanic and left it there.

This way it would already be there in the morning.

When I went back at 7:45am, the door light was still on.

And the dome light was still on.

But the car started up right away.

Made no sense to me.

But it was in good hands now.

And a few hours after they got a look at the car.

My phone rang.

Apparently the dingledorf on the doohickey had a thingamabob near the whatschamacallit.

All I heard was rhubarb and garbage, peas and carrots.

The bottom line is.

The dash was dead.

But the good news is it will only take 5-7 days to fix.

Well, 5-7 business days.

And $650.

Including tax.

Of course, I said yes.

What choice did I really have.

Good thing the car was free.

Just like the new puppy.