20 Wings and a Prayer

You can cross the Anchor Bar off my bucket list.

Last night my 12-year old son and I visited the original home of the original Buffalo Wing.

In Buffalo.

Starting Sunday, he will be playing in a baseball tournament in Cooperstown, NY.

The home of the Baseball Hall of Fame.

And far be it from me to pass up this opportunity to squeeze some more food into my life.

So we headed east a few days early to check out a minor league baseball game.

Or two.

And to get in some great eats.

Our first stop was the Anchor Bar, where as the legend has it...

There was a Friday night in 1964 when Teressa Belissimo, the owner of the Anchor Bar, was making some chicken soup.

But she said, “it’s a shame to put such beautiful wings in a stock pot.”

So she decided to serve up the wings to her son Dom and his friends.

That’s the way it is explained on the menu.

With some sketchy grammar and bad punctuation.

But you don’t come to the Anchor Bar for punctuation.

You come for the cholesterol.

Yada yada yada.

47 years later... my mouth is on fire.

Now if you are looking for one place to go for real Buffalo Wings, this is it.

Are they the best?

I can’t say.

Are they amazing?

I can say.

YES!!!!!!

They’ve got a few different flavors to choose from:

Mild - Wussy.

Medium - Next.

Hot - Now you’re talking.

Spicy BBQ -- I hear ya.

and

Suicidal! -- Need more be said?

My son and I ordered 10 of the Hot and 10 of the Spicy BBQ.

To start.

He wanted to try one Suicidal Wing.

But they don’t serve just one.

So they gave us the sauce to sample while we were waiting for our order to arrive.

I stuck my pinky in.

Just like you stick your pinky in the wine during the Passover Seder.

(That’s for my Jewish brethren.)

And for the first 15 seconds, the Suicidal sauce was unbelievable.

Such a flava.

For the next 15 minutes, the sauce was UNBELIEVABLE.

I don’t know what they put in there, but it was unreal.

Unfair.

Unedible.

Unanything -- as long as it means mother effing spicy.

I’ve had a lot of spicy food in my day.

And I love it.

But this was just too much for any human.

Well it was certainly too much for me.

Our waitress told us there’s somebody who has come in three different times to eat a bucket of the Suicidal Wings.

At the Anchor Bar, a “bucket” = 50 Wings.

One person.

50 Suicidal Wings.

One sitting.

Three different times.   

No joke.

She then added that she hasn’t seen the person in a while.

Really?

You know why Flo...  

HE’S DEAD!!!!

Now just as this sauce was getting ready to burn through my intestines, we got great news.

Our wings were ready.

All 20 of them.

So we jumped right in.

And for the next 10 minutes, I thought I was eating with Dick Enberg, because the only thing my son could say was....

“Oh My!”

He said it about 20 times, pretty much between every bite.

And that’s all he could say.

Clearly these wings were living up to the hype.

And that’s a good thing.

During the meal, we had our water glass refilled four times.

Fortunately Niagara Falls is only 15 minutes away.

But I haven’t enjoyed Wings this much since Paul McCartney’s first solo album.

Moist.

Crunchy.

Flavorful.

Perfect.

Did I mention perfect?

Now, the Anchor Bar does have other things on the menu.

Like Hot Sandwiches and Cold Sandwiches.

And Fried Haddock.

And Cheese Ravioli.

And Sauteed Chicken Liver and Mushrooms.

Really.

But why?

Why would you go there for anything other than the wings?

There’s even a sign outside reminding you why you are there.

246.8 million Chicken Wings served.

How’d you like to be the guy who does the counting?

More water please.

Car Games

T.G.I.F.

Thank God It’s February.

I don’t think I could afford one more day of January.

You see I had this brilliant idea at the start of the month to keep the kids entertained.

As you may recall, 2010 ended with me getting a brand new car.

My mom’s 2004 P.T. Cruiser.

So me being me, I told the kids I would give them a quarter for every P.T. Cruiser we saw during the first month of the year.

I figured it would be a fun way to keep them busy.

And help the time fly by.

And at the end of the month, we could take the kids and the money we owe them to 7/11 for a couple of Slurpees.

Over the years, I’ve been part of quite a few road trips.

San Diego to Chicago.

My mom and I ran into an electrical storm in Nebraska that was so strong, it still scares me to this day.

But that’s when she told me that I can’t control lightning.

And you should never worry about things you can’t control.

Unfortunately it didn’t work then.

And it doesn’t work now.

Los Angeles to Las Vegas.

Hartford to Quebec City.

Four of us made that trip.   

In the dead of winter.   

I’m not sure what was more frozen.

The ice at the Nordiques hockey game.

Or the ice on the highways.

Talk about scary.

Los Angeles to Las Vegas.

Cleveland to Toronto.

My wife and I made that trip.

We were running a little late.

So when we got to Niagara Falls, I pulled a Chevy Chase from Vacation.

Nodded a couple of times at those amazing waterfalls.

And said we gotta go.

We... I didn't want to be late for the Blue Jays game.

Classy move, I know.

Los Angeles to Las Vegas.

Yes, I love driving to Vegas.

Its the trip home that sucks.

Especially the one in college when I left most of my rent money on a craps table.

But no matter where you are going.

Or who you are going with.

The goal is always the same.

Help time fly by.

Whether its 99 bottles of beer.

The song, not the drinks.

Or seeing how many out-of-state license plates you can find.

If you can make a 10-hour trip feel like eight.

You win.

Nowadays parents like to use a different device to hypnotize the kids in the car.

The DVD player.

And it works.

But sometimes things can get out of hand.

Your honor, Exhibit 1A:

I was with a friend the other day who put on a movie in the car for their kids to watch.

The trip we were taking was from their home.

To the grocery store.

Five minutes away.

Really.

You can’t even watch the credits in five minutes.

We have one of those DVD players in our car too.

But we’ve never turned it on.

Never.

I’m not saying we are better than anyone.

I’m just sayin.

But once you’ve turned it on, there’s no turning back.

We feel it is a lot more important to conversate with our kids.

Teach them new words.

Like conversate.

Introduce them to some of our favorite things.

I love to turn on Howard Stern to see how many seconds it takes before he says something they shouldn’t hear.

I think the max is two seconds. 

And there’s always the opportunity to just talk to them.

Learn about them.

For example, just today, we were driving home from school.

Out of nowhere, my daughter says...

“I hate throwing up.”

Ok.

So my wife responded as any caring parent would.

“You won’t always feel that way.”

“What?”, said my little girl.

“I won’t always hate throwing up?”

“Oh, throwing up.   I thought you said growing up.”

“Oh.   Yeah, you’ll never like that.”

Every moment we spend with the kids is precious.

And the times in the car are among the best.

With the least distractions.

And this P.T. Cruiser game was something we all got to enjoy.

But as the days went on... and the quarters piled up.

They were really into it.

This was real cash.

In fact, at month’s end, the tally reached a whopping $29.50.

Yep, we saw 118 P.T. Cruisers in one month.

118?

I didn’t know they made that many.

But hopefully long after each kid has spent their $9.833333333.

They will remember our car rides.

And smile.