Text Support

Falling snow is a beautiful thing.

Driving in the snow?

Not so much.

I was reminded of that again last week.

During one of the nastiest storms we have seen in a while, I was on my way to meet my family at a dance competition.

They hitched a ride with someone else, so I was taking my wife’s car there.

She has the four-wheel drive.

On the way I noticed she was getting low on gas.

So I stopped to fill ‘er up.

That’s what nice guys do.

As I got to the station, I made the left.

But my car went straight.

Straight into a pole.

You know that they say about nice guys.

Thankfully I wasn’t going very fast.

And thankfully the air bags did not go off.

And thankfully no one was hurt.

Not in that order.

But the collision was strong enough to do some damage.

$2,600 worth.

And that was before I filled up the tank.

The good news is we have a deductible that makes this a little easier to swallow.

And the better news is our rates are not going to go up because of this little bout of man vs mother nature.

Or so we are told.

Moments after the crash, I called my wife to let her know what had happened.

She quickly checked to make sure I was ok.

Which I was.

Then she went all Barbara Walters on me.

“Were you on a call when it happened?”

“No.”

“Were you surfing the ‘net on your phone?”

“No.”

“Were you texting someone?”

“No.”

One of my single friends told me that the secret to a good marriage is...

Deny, Deny, Deny.

I’m not sure that I totally subscribe to that philosophy.

But in this case my deny, deny, deny was all true.

I was not talking, not surfing and not texting.

Just me vs black ice.

And the black ice won.

I really wish I could say that I never text while I drive.

But I would by lying.

And so would most of you.

According to one stat I just read, 1 out of 5 “experienced adult drivers” in the US send text messages while driving.

That would mean that close to 80% of the people polled were not telling the truth.

This disgusting addiction is not only awful, but it is incredibly dangerous.

If you don’t believe me, google “text” and “accident”.

Set aside a lot of time, and a box of kleenex, if you want to read all of the stories.

Unfortunately I can’t sit here and say that I am perfect and that I never text while driving.

But I can say, with all honesty, that I have made a very conscious effort to completely stop this pathetic habit.

And it’s a work in progress.

But it’s working.

When my kids are in the car, I have them dial for me.

Or text for me.

Or look up NBA Box Scores for me.

I have hooked up hands free calling, for both my wife and I.

I put my phone in a closed compartment to limit its availability.

I would like to say I am a success 100% of the time.

But I can definitely say that percent is growing every day.

My daughter even had me sign the Oprah form.

And you can’t lie to Oprah.

Many of my friends say they try not to text while driving.

But they still do.

Just today I was on the phone with a friend and we were talking about this very subject.

This friend shared a story that hit him hard.

Literally.

Last year he was stopping by work with his teenage son to get some things done.

They were traveling down a road at about 20 miles per hour.

The next thing he remembers is his car flipping over.

Apparently a driver of another car was moving down the same road at 35-40 mph.

35-40, while texting.

Well that driver slammed into one car.

And that car slammed into my friend’s car, totaling it.

The accident turned my friend and his son upside down.

They were both wearing seat belts, which left my friend suspended in the air on top of his son.

Fortunately the only pain the boy felt was when his dad unlatched his seat belt without thinking and landed on him.

They can laugh about it now.

Unfortunately my friend wasn’t quite as lucky.

In fact, since the accident, he has had three epidurals to deal with serious back pain.

And he’s not even pregnant.

I’m hopeful that a full recovery is not far away.

But when you think about what could’ve been it is downright scary.

Hopefully scary enough to stop you from texting while you drive.

And me too.

Walk on the Wild Side

There are about a buzillion things I love about living in New York.

The energy of the city.

The weather in October.

The food on every street corner.

This week I’ve had a chance to show off all of those things to my wife and kids who are in town for a visit.

There is however one thing that in the immortal words of The Fine Young Cannibals, is driving me crazy:

Sidewalk traffic.

We don’t come from a place where people actually walk much, at least not on the street, so this has been quite the experience.

I am totally cool with the fact that 1.6 million people live in the 23 square miles of Manhattan.

And I am totally cool with the fact that those 1.6 million people own at least 2.4 million cell phones.

But do they really need to use them while they are walking?

Shouldn't they pull over to the side of the sidewalk to text?

Oprah, can you write up another petition please?

And as for those people who prefer to walk at a pace like they are doing an audition for Chariots of Fire, The Prequel....

Speed up or get off my sidewalk!

I understand that my quick pace of walking is not shared by all, but these slow walkers make me loco.

And I really love the people who walk right in front of you....

.....And stop.

Stop cold!

And I really love the people who stand in the middle of the sidewalk to take a picture of... a building.

Google Images people!

I always loved watching Barry Sanders play football.

He'd run right at a traffic jam.

Evaluate the smallest hole he could fit through.

Stop on a dime.

Spin his body around.

And run for a score.

Of course, if I tried any of those moves on 6th Avenue, I'd instantly tear my ACL.

But if you want to be successful walking on the streets of New York, you’d better apply the same concepts.

One of the true rewards of walking in New York is the sport of jaywalking.

Red light, schmed light.

If you don’t see a car coming, start moving.

If you do see a car coming, move faster.

I’ve noticed that the taxi drivers like to speed up when they notice a pedestrian walking across the street when they are not supposed to.

And everybody does it.

I mean, EVERYBODY.

If New York really wanted to fix the budget crisis, they’d start handing out jaywalking tickets.

They’d have like 19 trillion dollars by Tuesday.

My wife is a very cautious person.

But not in New York.

Sure, she’s still careful, especially when she is with the kids.

But this week I have definitely noticed her becoming quite the daredevil.

At least by her terms.

That little sign that tells you when it is ok to walk is about as useful as a calorie counter at a Baskin Robbins. 

Everybody sees it, but nobody pays attention to it.

New York is the first city I’ve ever lived in where you don’t really need a car.

In fact, when you factor in the traffic and the outrageous parking prices, not only don’t you need a car, you don’t want one.

That was definitely not the case when I lived in LA.

Take your car away and they might as well take your feet away too.

The public transportation in Los Angeles barely exists.

Living in LA without a car is the fastest way to a nervous breakdown.

The second fastest is having a car in LA.

There were days, plenty of them, when my 25-mile commute would take close to 90 minutes.

And that was 90 PAINFUL minutes.

Stop and go, the entire way.

With a whole lot more of the stopping then the going.

But with the help of the traffic helicopters in LA, I was usually able to adjust and try a different route.

Maybe that's what New York needs...

...sidewalk traffic reporters.

I can hear it now.

"For those of you headed uptown this morning, you may want to consider the right side of Madison Avenue.  There is a mother with twins on 5th Avenue and the double-wide stroller is not letting anyone pass."

Or perhaps.  

"If you are headed Eastbound on 27th street and in need of some caffeine this morning, head two blocks south.  The Starbucks on 25th Street has a shorter line than the Starbucks on 26th or the seven Starbucks on 27th."

I think I’m onto something.