Seeing The Sights

I’m not sure if touristy is a real word, but if it is, I would say that I am still very much in my touristy phase of life in the big apple.

If you don’t believe me, maybe you will believe this.

Last Friday, I got up early and hoofed my butt down to The Today Show to see the three-song outdoor concert by Katy Perry.

I wouldn’t say I’m the biggest Katy Perry fan, but as the parent of three kids 13 and under, it was something I had to do.

Not seeing Katy Perry

I got there at like 8:29am, just in time to see the first song, “California Gurls”.

Actually, I got there just in time to HEAR the first song.

If I wanted to SEE anything, I needed to get there the night before.

According to the NYPD officer that I made small talk with, people started lining up at 6:00pm on Thursday.

Wait 14+ hours for three songs?

I wouldn’t do that if Katy would’ve let me sing with her.

Ok, I would.

The mini-concert was just the beginning of an action packed weekend.

Saturday I spent all day on Long Island visiting a friend and checking out the place.

According to longisland.com, Long Island is comprised of “two counties, two cities, numerous local towns, villages, hamlets, postal zones and designated places”.

And 3.5 million people.

Some of the cities (or towns or hamlets) on Long Island also provide some tremendous scrabble possibilities:

• Amagansett
• Hauppauge
• Massapequa
• Patchogue
• Ronkonkoma
• Sagaponack
• Setauket
• Wyandanch
• Yaphank

Oh, did I forget to mention Hicksville?

As a NASCAR fan, I thought I had been to Hicksville.

But this is, THE HICKSVILLE.

Now that the name calling is out to the way, I was really impressed by how nice Long Island really is.

New York City is a place like no other, for about 14 million reasons.

One of them is all of the options you have on where to live.

Even some you just might be able to afford.

Flip A Coin

If you are looking to the locals for some help on where to live, DON’T.

The people who live in Long Island, LOVE Long Island.

The people who don’t, DON’T.

The people who live in New Jersey, LOVE New Jersey.

The people who don’t, DON’T.

The people who live in Manhattan or Queens or Brooklyn or the Bronx, LOVE Manquebroonx.

The people who don’t, DON’T.

The people who commute 90 minutes each way, LOVE the down time.

The people who don’t commute, make fun of it.

I have met some really nice, opinionated, helpful, sincere, genuine people who are of absolutely no use to me.

King of the Castle

At least in this area.

Can somebody please make my decision for me!

One of the high points of my trip to Long Island, was a lunch stop at White Castle.

I didn’t see Harold or Kumar, but I did enjoy the little mini-burgers, all five of them.

As my friend put it, “they are gone in minutes, but they last for hours.”

My touristy weekend came to a close with a trip to Times Square.

I headed over to the TKTS window where they sell tickets to a Broadway play for half the price.

Basically, these are the tickets that people didn’t buy for shows that night.

So they’ve decided half of something is a whole lot better than all of nothing.

I’m down with that.

Amazingly, on a Saturday night in late August, I had about 20 options to choose from.

I wanted to see something with music, so I got one ticket for something called The Million Dollar Quartet.

Long story short, it’s the story of the one-time studio session with Elvis Presley, Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis and Carl Perkins.

So I bought my one ticket and headed over to the theatre.

When I got there, the usher instructed me to head down towards the stage and my seat would be on the right.

Signs of the Times

Ok.

What in the world of Bob Uecker is going on here.

My seat was not, “towards the stage”, my seat was in THE FRONT ROW.

I was so close that when the first actor came out and started speaking, his spit particles landed on my lap.

How cool is that?   I think.

Since this was my big night out, I wanted to get to the theatre early.   

Had I known where my seats were, I might’ve arrived at 6:00pm.

The night before.

(That’s what us comedians refer to as a callback:  See Katy Perry.)

Getting there early gave me a chance to look around, enjoy the atmosphere and most of all eavesdrop on the conversation of the two grumpy people sitting behind me.

In a span of a few minutes, Donald and Donna Depressing uttered the following statements:

• “we would’ve been better off in the balcony”

• “that dinner was so bad I couldn’t believe it”

• “it’s supposed to be 93 or 94 degrees tomorrow.  for a one o’clock baseball game, that should be fun"

• the waiter came around to ask for drink orders.  after he left, i heard, “why would I get something down here when I didn’t get something up there (at the bar)

They must’ve paid full price for their tickets.

But even with all the negativity, the show was amazing.

And as an extra bonus, I even heard the dynamic duo behind me clapping and cheering at the end of the show.

Oh, the magic of Broadway.