Sterling or Stainless?

Donald Sterling is a loser.

How do I know?

I grew up a Clippers fan in Los Angeles in the 1980s.

During the showiest of showtimes for the LA Lakers.

I guess that would make me a loser too.

While most of LA was enjoying Magic, Big Game James and the Captain.

We had Gary Grant, Loy Vaught and Benoit Benjamin.

You know Benoit Benjamin.

The guy who coined the phrase, “there's no use crying over spoiled milk.”

Well with all due respect to my Cubbie Counterparts in Chicago, there was nothing worse than being a Clippers fan.

An organization that had just two winning seasons in 32 years.

A stretch that took me from my freshman year in high school through my DAUGHTER’S freshman year in high school.

Everything this franchise did was wrong.

We couldn’t have made good news if we paid for it.

And there was no way Donald Sterling was going to pay for anything.

For three plus decades Sterling has been the owner of the Clippers – the losingest franchise in the history of losing franchises.

And if Chris Paul didn’t literally fall into our lap a few years ago, that losing would still be happening.

But even with all of my self-inflicted pain for this franchise – and its owner – I am not here to bury Donald Sterling.

I am here to defend him.

Now don’t get me wrong, pretty much everything the man has ever said is wrong.

And certainly indefensible.

Whether it was recorded or not.

But from the second I heard the words LIFETIME SUSPENSION come out of Adam Silver’s mouth, I cried foul.

You can call it a charge or a block or a flagrant 1, whatever that is, but Silver’s hammer was simply a case of premature ejecting.

Oh don’t get me wrong, I understood exactly where Silver was coming from.

Just like the rest of us, he wanted to hang out with the cool kids.

You remember, the guys who sat on the tables in the cafeteria and made fun of the fat kid.

I should know, I was the fat kid.

Well, that’s exactly what Silver did.

He took the easy way out, just to get in with the jocks.

LeBron James.

Magic Johnson.

Even the President praised Silver.

As if he had fixed the Obamacare website.

Now in case you missed any of this debacle, let me recap.

Last Saturday the world first hears an 80-year-old Sterling say some hugely offensive, if not insanely idiotic and what kind of world do you live in type things.

On a tape.

A tape that was recorded in Sterling’s house.

By a girlfriend.

A girlfriend young enough to be a granddaughter.

And through the magic of Memorex, four days later Sterling was banned.

Banned for life.

Pete Rose style.

But what took Baseball six months, took Silver six minutes.

Let me get this straight – in just four days Donald Sterling went from sitting courtside to being shoved outside because of something he said in his house.

With the doors closed.

Sure, the things he said were bad.

REALLY bad!

But worse than this?

"The blacks in this building, they smell, they're not clean. ... And all of the Mexicans that just sit around and smoke and drink all day."

That’s what Sterling was accused under oath of saying…  11 YEARS AGO.

But according to Silver, the lifetime suspension had nothing to do about the past past and everything to do with what the Commish had downloaded four days earlier.

“In meting out this punishment we did not take into account his past behavior.”

Really?

Am I really supposed to believe that this was all about what you have done for me lately and not a lifetime achievement award?

Oh that’s right, it’s the NAACP which was giving Sterling the lifetime achievement award.

Again.

That’s right, in 2009 Sterling was given the NAACP’s “highest honor”, right before he paid a nearly three million-dollar settlement in a lawsuit where he was accused of…

… wait for it…..

…a lawsuit where he was accused of being a racist.

Only in Hollywood.

But Silver’s chopping list for Sterling wasn’t done there.

In addition to the lifetime ban, he was fining Sterling 2.5 million-dollars AND he was going to figure out a way to force Sterling to sell his team.

Now the punishment sounds pretty harsh at first, but if you really break this down, this is more about the style than the substance.

Let’s start with the lifetime ban.

Sterling is 80.

And he has prostate cancer.

Lifetime ban?

The Clippers have had losing streaks longer than this ban.

How about the fine?

2.5 million-dollars.

Sterling has 1.9 billion.

Next.

Now here’s the fun part, trying to make him sell the team.

Good luck with that.

Silver said he needed 75% of the owners to make this happen.

I don’t care if Silver gets 175%, there is a ZERO chance of Sterling selling this team.

And neither would I.

If I were Donald Sterling…..

…well if I was Donald Sterling, I would never have traded Byron Scott to the Lakers in 1983.

…and I wouldn’t have drafted Bo Kimble in 1990.

…or Benoit Benjamin five years before that.

But if I was this week’s version of Donald Sterling, this is what I would do:

I would pull Johnnie Cochran’s body out of the grave, prop him up in the courtroom and sue the NBA for seven TRILLION dollars.

After all, who better to win a rush to judgment case.

Let me get this straight…

I, Donald Sterling, an 80-year old man with cancer (and probably some selective memory loss if you ask me under oath) am being accused of….

•  saying some racisty things on a tape
•  a tape that may have been recorded without me realizing it 
•  in the privacy of my own mansion
• to my 30-something girlfriend
• while I’m still married to my wife

You should hear the stuff I’ve said that’s NOT on that tape.

Sure, the tape implies that I don’t like black people.

Even though I made sure that I said several times on the tape that I really do like black people.

Just in case it was being recorded.

And even though I employed a black general manager for 22 years.

Who sued me for claiming I fired him for being black.

And not for losing 65% of our games during those 22 years.

And even though last year I fired a white coach to make a black coach the highest paid coach in the NBA.

And even though I pay my black point guard more than any point guard in the NBA.

Black or white.

Or my favorite color.

Green.

Adam Silver said he was “distraught” by this entire situation.

I call it Tuesday.

Now that the entire world knows my name, it’s 

only a matter of time before I say some REALLY stupid things that will eventually finish me.

But until then….. I love this game.

Ridiculousness

Jeremy Lin is now a member of the Houston Rockets.

Again.

Officially.

And I couldn't be happier.

As a basketball fan.

As a fantasy basketball owner.

And as a guy who finds it completely impossible to root for the overrated shooting star titled Carmelo Anthony.

There’s never been a player who has accomplished less, by thinking he's more, than Lin's former teammate Carmelo Anthony.

Since joining the Association in 2003, Anthony has been the poster child for that old golf saying:

You drive for show, but you putt for dough.

Despite scoring nearly 16,000 points in the regular season, Carmelo has never been able to win the big one.

Actually he’s never been able to win the little one either.

Sure, he’s made the playoffs every year.

But considering that more than half of the league does that, that’s not really saying much.

And in every one of those years, except one, Carmelo was eliminated in the first round.

In fact, Anthony’s post-season win percentage is the lowest of any NBA player who has ever laced up the sneakers.

Well any player who has played 50 or more playoff games.

But still.

Even with that abysmal record, that hasn’t stopped NBA owners from throwing money at him.

LOTS of money at him.

In 2007, the Denver Nuggets signed Anthony to a five-year $80 million dollar deal.

Anthony rewarded the team by demanding a trade in 2010.

And then again in 2011.

In February of that year, the Nuggets finally gave in.

Shipping Anthony to New York for five guys, three draft picks and a chunk of cash.

Before the ink was dry on the deal, the Knicks rewarded Carmelo with a three-year contract extension.

Worth another $65 million.

Carmelo may not know much about winning in the NBA, but he certainly knows how to get paid.

And maybe that’s what has me so fired up about this story.

When the word came out a few days ago that Houston had offered Lin a three-year deal worth $25 million.

Everybody had an opinion.

Especially Carmelo.

When asked what he thought of the offer, Anthony called it “ridiculous.”

Ridiculous!

Really?

Generous, maybe.

Magnanimous, perhaps.

But ridiculous?

Paying a guy like Anthony who has a whopping 17 playoff wins over nine seasons nearly $22 million a year.

That’s ridiculous.

Paying the most marketable NBA player since Michael Jordan a third of that.

That’s plain brilliant.

The fact that the Knicks didn’t match the Lin offer, or perhaps couldn’t match the offer.

Because they had too much cash locked up in Anthony’s monster contract.

Well, that’s nobody’s fault but the Knicks.

If anything is ridiculous about this situation, it’s the fact that  the Knicks were sitting on a goldmine.

And they flushed it down the sewer.

New York City has the largest Chinese population of any city outside of Asia.

And Jeremy Lin is Chinese.

Holy Gene Rayburn Batman.

We have a match.

Unfortunately the Knicks took that perfect match and lit their franchise on fire.

Don’t blame Jeremy Lin for signing the best deal he could.

And don’t blame the Rockets for giving it to him.

Even if Houston had no idea what they had in Lin when they released him just eight months ago.

Rockets General Manager Daryl Morey tweeted as much back in February:

Daryl Morey ‏@dmorey

@jlin7 Did not know he was this good.  Anyone who says they knew misleading U 

I guess he ran out of characters.

But the point was well taken.

Jeremy Lin came out of nowhere.

Well, he came out of Harvard.

Which in the NBA, is out of nowhere.

And the fact that he’s an Asian point guard.

Well, that really stacked the odds against him.

But during the 25 starts he made with the Knicks this past season, Lin showed that he can really play in this league.

Like February 4th.

When he scored 25 points off the bench to beat the Nets.

Or February 6th.

When he had 28 points and eight assists to beat the Jazz.

Or February 8th.

When he had 23 and 10 in a win against Washington.

Or February 10.

When he dropped 38 on Kobe Bryant and the Lakers.

Or February 11.

When he put up 20 and eight against Minnesota.

Or February 14.

When he had 27 and 11 in Toronto, including a buzzer-beating three-point shot to win it.

Or February 15.

When he put up a career-high 13 assists to beat Sacramento.

Seven straight wins.

Six of which were without Anthony.

Who was nursing a “lingering groin injury.”

And when Anthony did come back.

The team lost eight out of 10.

Including six straight at one point.

Coincidence.

I think not.

Now only time will tell if Jeremy Lin can recapture the magic that swept through New York five months ago.

The Linsanity, if you will.

But the bottom line for me is that Jeremy Lin is everything that is right about sports.

While Carmelo Anthony is everything that is wrong.

And anybody who says anything different, is just plain ridiculous.

The New York Nix

I am the Commissioner of my Fantasy Basketball league.

Have been since 1993.

When we started this league.

18 years later, we are stronger than ever.

We lasted longer than Shaq.

Even longer than Tom Gugliotta.

We’ve survived two lockouts.

We’ve had 44 owners.

And co-owners.

We have a rookie draft.

A waiver draft.

A pre-season auction.

International players.

Development league players.

Performance raises.

Three websites.

We play head-to-head.

And overall.

I could keep going.

But here’s the point.

As the Commissioner of this league, I take this thing very seriously.

We.. take this thing very seriously.

That’s probably why we’ve lasted this long.

We do everything we can to run our “fantasy” league exactly like the NBA runs its “real” league.

If you don’t believe me, maybe you’ll believe our eight-page rulebook.

FOR A FANTASY LEAGUE.

I’ve had more than a bundle of tough decisions over the years as the Commish.

But the goal is always to do what’s in the best interest of BART.

The Basketball Association of Rotisserie Teams.

I would imagine that NBA Commissioner David Stern tries to rule his league the same way.

Whatever is in the best interest of the NBA.

Well the NBA owners.

That’s why they locked out the players for 149 days, right?

Well as I type this here blog, Mr. Stern is submersed in a flaming hot whirlpool of controversy.

Or is it conspiracy?

Yesterday about this time, the story broke that the Los Angeles Lakers had made a trade.

A blockbuster trade.

A fantasy league trade.

They had acquired Chris Paul, the great.... young... STAR point guard they had been longing for.

To get him they gave up two very good players.

Very tall players.

Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom.

And by moving Gasol and Odom, the Lakers had depleted their lineup of a bunch of their bulk.

Some might even say they made their team worse.

This was certainly not a trade that guarantees them anything.

But clearly they felt that the combo platter of Paul and Kobe Bryant is exactly what they needed.

And who am I to argue.

The Los Angeles Lakers have won 11 championships.

My Dunkin’ Donuts have only won eight.

But something funny happened on the way to this deal getting done.

The NBA Commish stepped in from the home office in Manhattan.

And before the ink was dry, David Stern threw down the kibosh.

That’s yiddish for nix.

Veto.

Declination.

Pick a word.

The bottom line is this done deal was undone.

According to an NBA Spokesman not named David Stern:

“The league office declined to make the trade for basketball reasons.”

Basketball reasons?

Not sure what that exactly means, but the good people on twitter sure had fun with it:

@5joeclines

Next time someone's credit isn't good enough to buy a car I'll deny them for basketball reasons. #NBA

@russbengtson

BREAKING: David Stern blocks Dwight Howard trade that hasn't even been proposed yet. For basketball reasons.

@ShinaBina3

I'm not going to work tomorrow for #BasketballReasons

@caliretheory

Got pulled over and refused to give my license to the cop. He asked why I was refusing. #basketballreasons

@HousefromDC

Developing Story: NBA Commissioner David Stern vetoes Christmas. #basketballreasons

You can rest assure that the NBA hasn’t heard the end of their new catch phrase.

Like Charlie Sheen will never hear the end of... WINNING.

In fact, you can already buy a t-shirt to celebrate the moment.

And to make this worse for Stern, the reports came out, quickly, that this veto was all about peer pressure.

Apparently a handful of NBA Owners went sprinting to Stern to complain about this trade.

They were a little miffed that the first move after the let’s all have more competitive balance lockout was...

BULLY STEALS LUNCH MONEY & SUPERSTAR GUARD

And supposedly these owners demanded that this trade goes away.

Right effing now.

But the NBA quickly squashed that theory.

Or at least tried to.

“It’s not true that the owners killed that deal.”

Said the same NBA Spokesperson not named David Stern.

Oh, ok.

So much for that theory.

End of story.

...

What?

yahoo got a copy of...

an email.

From Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert to Stern.

The same Gilbert who watched his franchise player take his talents and his franchise to South Beach just last year.

Well the email read as such:

Commissioner,

It would be a travesty to allow the Lakers to acquire Chris Paul in the apparent trade being discussed.

This trade should go to a vote of the 29 owners of the Hornets.

Yada yada yada.

I just don’t see how we can allow this trade to happen.

I know the vast majority of owners feel the same way that I do.

When will we just change the name of 25 of the 30 teams to the Washington Generals?

Please advise….

Dan G.

Oh no he didn't.

He went Washington Generals on the Commish?

That’s just dirty.

True.

But dirty.

I suppose the NBA Spokesperson not named David Stern might’ve been wrong.

Well no matter the reason.

The done deal was undone.

This is not the first time a Commissioner has nixed a trade.

Probably won’t be the last.

But it certainly can change history.

My father worked for the Raiders all the way back in 1983.

This young whipper-snapper of a quarterback named Elway was coming out of college.

Stanford.

But he didn’t want to play for the Colts.

The Baltimore Colts.

The team with the first pick in that draft.

So he demanded a trade.

A trade that the Colts worked out with the Raiders.

Only NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle had a problem with Elway going to the Raiders.

Or someone not named Dan Gilbert had a problem with Elway going to the Raiders.

Or a problem with the trade.

Or a problem with Al Davis.

But the bottom line is Rozelle put the kibosh on that deal.

Most of the specifics have left me in last 28 years.

My dad left me nine years ago.

So we aren’t going to get more details than that.

But the bottom line is instead of Elway wearing Silver and Black into the Hall of Fame.

Elway was traded to a team in the Raiders division.

The Broncos.

Where he (eventually) won two Super Bowls.

At age 26, there’s still a good chance that Chris Paul may reach that Elway-esque status.

But it’s anyone’s guess what uniform he will be wearing.