George Costanza never met my father.
And that’s a shame.
They both were raised in the New York area, they both loved eating at diners, they both made me laugh and they both worked for the Yankees.
I always loved it when my dad took me to his work.
Otherwise known as Yankee Stadium.
That NEVER got old.
But the old Yankee Stadium is gone and unfortunately, so is my dad.
Yesterday, I made my first trip to the new Yankee Stadium.
And what a treat it was.
I hopped on the 4 train and about six or so stops later, I was there.
That simple.
I came without a ticket, so I waited in line before the game to buy one.
In case you hadn’t heard, our country is suffering through its worst depression since Babe Ruth was named George.
But don’t tell that to the group of people, at least 75 of them, waiting in line ahead of me to buy the few remaining tickets.
Tickets, that oh by the way, range in price from $14-$300.
I just wanted to see the place, so $14 would’ve worked ok fine by me.
But what I got was even better.
After waiting in line for about 15 minutes, and going nowhere by the way, one of the ladies who worked at the stadium held up a piece of paper about 20 feet from me.
It turned out someone was not able to use their ticket and she was giving it away.
For free.
Just one.
Maybe my dad left it for me.
Either way, I grabbed the ticket and darted to the stadium. I didn’t pass go or pay the $200 or whatever it would’ve cost.
When I walked in, I was greeted by a flock of stadium workers holding up signs that said, “How May I Help You?”
That’s quite an upgrade from the old stadium, where the same sign said, “What Do You Want!”
But they were incredibly helpful and polite when they pointed to the sky to show me where my seat was.
But I wasn’t complaining.
By getting a free ticket, I had enough money to buy some food.
But not without the guilt.
You see, in New York City, some restaurants are required to list the number of calories for each item they are selling.
And Yankee Stadium had plenty of items. These were just some of them:
- Veggie Burger, 280 Calories, $7.00
- Slice of Pepperoni Pizza, 310 Calories, $5.75
- Sweet Italian Sausage, 500 calories, $8.00
- Hebrew National Hot Dog, 510 calories, $6.75
- “New York Pretzel”, 630 Calories, $4.50
- Cracker Jack, 840 Calories, $5.75
- Bag of Peanuts, 1190 Calories, $5.00
- Nathan’s Cheese Fries, 1341 Calories, $7.25
I got one of them footlong Hebrew Nationals, since they report to a higher authority and a small order of Garlic Fries.
760 calories for $12.75. Such a deal.
As you might imagine, one of the best parts of going to an event in New York is just watching the people.
And the crowd at Yankee Stadium did not disappoint.
There were some chants that had four-letters and some that had more.
Since the Yankees were playing the Baltimore Orioles, some were quite predictable.
And some were not.
Like “Baltimore’s Garbage” and “Where’s Cal Ripken?”.
I even heard, “Boston Sucks!”.
And they weren’t even playing.
I sat right next to a family of four of some hardcore Yankee fans.
At least the dad was.
Early in the game, he screamed at New York’s $180 Million Dollar Man Mark Teixeira, “DO SOMETHING!”
I’m guessing Teixeira couldn’t hear him from the upper deck.
But the guy who dropped the foul ball one level below us probably did, when the dad screamed, “YOU SUCK!”
When the Yankees tied the game, the father belted out “ORIOLES SUCK!”, bringing a giant smile to the face of his teenage son.
Aren’t role models great.
The man was keeping a close eye on the game, but clearly he wasn’t keeping score on his son’s calorie count.
In the few innings I sat next to him, the boy enjoyed a pint of ice cream, a bag of pistachios, a bag of Doritos and a large bottle of Pepsi.
Hardly a Yankee Stadium record for caloric intake, but he’s still young.
Around the sixth inning, I wanted to return to see level, so I walked around the lower concourse.
At one point I stopped in the memorabilia store.
They had some amazing pieces of Yankee history for sale and some of the prices were actually not so outrageous.
The man who worked there explained to me that their price was based on how much each player charges for his autograph.
Huh?
What happened to the love of the game.
He told me that Derek Jeter, the current Yankee legend, charges $300 per autograph.
Do you get garlic fries with that?
So let me get this straight -- if Jeter signs 110,000 autographs this year, he will match the $33 million he makes for playing a game.
America the beautiful.
Unfortunately for Jeter and the rest of the Yankees, the game didn’t go their way, losing 4-3.
But for me, it was a perfect game.
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