Name That Baby

You may find this hard to believe.

But Sir is not my real first name.

In fact, it doesn’t even begin with an S.

My real first name begins with a B.

It’s my middle name that starts with an S.

Seymour.

Yep.

Seymour.

Hey it wasn’t my choice.

And neither was the bris.

But when you are new to this world, you don’t get choices.

You get what they give you.

And my parents gave me a middle name that I quickly changed to a middle initial.

But don’t be too hard on them.

This naming a kid business is not as easy as it looks.

As we prepare to do it for the fourth time, we are having some major problems coming up with our final answer.

A big part of the problem is the fact that my wife has been a first grade teacher.

Since 1994.

And no matter what name you throw at her, that name will represent some kid who had a runny nose.

Or who whined all day.

Or who was a constant pain in the....

Well you get the idea.

To be perfectly honest, it’s pretty amazing we were able to successfully name our first three kids.

And luckily those names are now locked in stone.

Set in stone.

Whatever.

The bottom line is it’s three down, one to go.

But it’s that one that is giving us some big-time trouble.

And because we are having such a hard time, everybody is chiming in.

And I mean EVERYBODY.

My oldest daughter likes Dylan.

My friends Phil and Tony don’t like Dylan.

My youngest daughter likes Zachary.

My mom doesn’t like Zachary.

She likes Matthew.

My son likes Ethan.

I don’t mind Ethan.

But I like Dominic.

My wife hates Dominic.

But she doesn’t mind Nicholas.

So I threw out Dominicholas.

I really don’t need to print her response, do I?

But come on... how great would Dominicholas look on the back of his soccer jersey.

Or what if he becomes the next Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Ok, I’m getting off track.

The bottom line is my wife could give birth at any moment and in the name department, we’ve got nothin’.

Well nothin’ carved in stone.

Etched in stone.

Whatever.

A good friend of ours sent us a bunch of names that she loves.

Names like Thaddeus.

And Demetrius.

And Levi.

Her son’s name is ... William.

We’ve even tried letting a website name our baby.

And what better a place than:

www.cool-baby-names.com

Yep, that’s a real site.

They claim to be the “#1 site for babies and bumps”.

The only problem is near the top of their current homepage they have the top babynames for the year.... 2008.

But hey, a name is a timeless, right?

So we gave it a shot.

Did you know the #1 boy name in 2008 was..... William.

Now that’s funny.

They also have a category called “timeless names”.

Everything from Alexander to... yes, William.

Names like David.

I have two close friends named David.

Thomas.

My wife’s brother is Tom.

Michael.

His son is named Michael.

Steven.

Michael’s twin-brother is Steven.

Jane!  Stop this crazy thing!

Things got so desperate that my daughter had us all take a vote.

Ranking the final four names in order of our preference.

The candidates were Dylan, Ethan, Matthew and Zachary.

In alphabetical order.

Dominicholas didn’t make the cut.

So sad.

Anywhoo.... the five current members of this family voted.

The dogs didn’t count.

And the winner was.....

Well, there wasn’t a winner.

Or a final name.

The contest stopped before we got there.

My wife decided that when the baby arrives.

We will look that baby straight in the eyes and...

His name will just come to us.

Discussion over.

Regis, that’s our final answer.

Hey, how about Regis?