Show Me The Money

Show of hands.

How many of you have gone out on a date with a girl.

Or a guy.

Even though you knew the relationship was already over.

Don’t lie.

You sit through the movie.

Or the dinner.

Or God forbid, the dinner AND movie.

Just to get to the happy (or not-so-happy) ending.

Listen, benefits is benefits.

I get it.

And so do the good people in Milwaukee and St. Louis.

But love is blind.

Even though everyone knows the break-up is right around the corner.

Baseball fans in those two cities are hoping for just one more fling.

A one-night-stand-up-double if you will.

Before the love of their life skips town.

I get it.

As long as something is in it for you.

I say go for it.

This is America.

And greed is good, right?

It is when you are one of the high-flyin first basemen in this year’s National League Championship Series.

Albert Pujols and Prince Fielder.

Both will be free agents when their season finally ends.

One the end of this week.

One right after that.

And with the end of this season comes the D word.

Divorce.

Dumping.

aDios.

Pick one.

It’s gonna happen.

The speech is already written.

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

And there’s nothing the fans in Milwaukee and St. Louis can do about it.

But cheer.

And drink beer.

In that order.

Pujols and Fielder are both great players.

Both are having a great post-season.

And both are on the verge of becoming public enemy #2 and #2A in the sports world.

Nobody will ever beat LeBron.

Except the Mavericks.

Fred Durst may have done it for the nookie.

But Pujols and Fielder are going to do it for the money.

Lots and lots of money.

If that sounds like a Scott Boras wet dream.

It is.

Well half of one.

Boras, the baseball SuperAgent  -- slash -- the man who has destroyed the game of baseball, is Fielder’s representative.

Pujols is represented by some other guy.

But in both cases, Boras and that other guy are licking their lips knowing the big pay day is right around the corner.

Well, another big pay day.

Pujols is making $16 Million this year.

Fielder is making only $15.5M.

That may sound like a lot of money to you.

And to me.

And it is.

But it’s nuthin’ compared to what these guys are about to get.

And for good reason.

You’d be hard pressed to find someone better than Pujols.

He just completed his 11th Major League season.

And in 10 of those seasons, he hit at least .300 with 30+ homers and 100+ RBI.

This year, he hit .299 with 37 HR and 99 RBI.

Clearly he’s slowing down.

But he is now 31-years-old.

And if 31 is too old for you -- as it is for my friend Phil.

Try Prince.

He’s only 27.

In his six full seasons in the majors, he’s averaging 38 homers and 108 RBI.

Those are not good numbers.

Those are sick numbers.

But not as sick as this.

According to Sports Illustrated, six months ago Pujols turned down $195 Million dollars from the Cardinals to stay in St. Louis.

Yes, you read that right.

ALBERT PUJOLS TURNED DOWN $195 MILLION DOLLARS.

Now before you throw your unemployment check at the computer.

Don’t forget.

It was going to take him nine years to earn all that money.

Even though it’s all guaranteed.

But he turned it down.

He thinks he’s worth more.

I think I’m worth more too.

Difference is.

He’ll probably get it.

As for Fielder.

The only 275-pound vegetarian I’ve ever heard of.

Ok, he’s not a vegetarian anymore.

And this just in -- he’s not 275 anymore either.

Just a few weeks ago, with his team in the middle of a playoff chase, he said.

On the record.

This is “probably the last year” he’ll play in Milwaukee.

Go team!

There’s no I in Prince.

Oops.

There’s no I in Fielder.

Ummm.

Oh yeah, he’s represented by Boras.

What did you expect.

I just found a story from 2004 that said Boras demanded $35 Million to rescue a drowning child.

I think that was a joke.

I think.

Here’s the bottom line.

This is America.

Yada yada yada.

And you should be able to work anywhere you want.

But in both of these cases.

Your fans have done nothing but love you.

Your team has done nothing but pay you.

And your agents have done nothing but tease you.

Be careful what you wish for.

Breaking the News

There’s a reason why the late Walter Cronkite is a legend.

Well there’s a lot of reasons.

But perhaps the main reason is for like 120 years, he was the only game in town.

Ok, there were three games.

NBC, ABC and Cronkite’s CBS.

But back in the day if you wanted the news, Walter was it.

Only you had to wait until 6:30pm.

5:30 Central.

That’s the way it was.

None of this round-the-clock, graphic-on-top-of-graphic breaking news.

Just the news.

Real news.

Now I watch as much TV as the next guy.

And when it comes to the news these days.

I love the live police car chase.

And the up-to-the-second trips to the weather center.

And those real-time sports scores.

Forget about it.

I’ve never really been a newspaper fanatic.

Unless it came to sports.

Funny story.

I was in my early teens.

We had a visitor staying at the house.

I asked if he wanted to see the morning paper.

When he said yes, I brought him the sports section.

I was shocked -- if not appalled -- when he asked where the rest of the paper was.

"What else is there?, " I thought.

To myself.

Back then, nothing was better than getting your hands black and messy from the ink of the box scores.

Of course the internet has changed all that.

For the better.

Anything you want.

Up-to-the-millisecond.

With a few clicks.

Ichiro career at bats as a pinch-hitter?

11.

Hits.

1.

Tom Brady wins in the snow, ice or below-freezing temps?

18.

Losses.

2.

LeBron James NBA Championships?

Zero.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I didn’t need the internet for that.

But I do use the web for my news.

And these days, there’s one place I always start.

twitter.

It’s amazing what you can learn in 140 characters.

Or less.

Thanks to twitter I found out about the big east coast earthquake within seconds after it happened.

There were like a billion tweets before the world stopped shaking.

Ok, most of them were jokes.

And many of them were funny.

But I didn’t need Wolf Blitzer to tell me what was going on.

I just needed my iPhone.

Just today I was thumbing through my twitter app.

When I saw a tweet from @Denise_Richards.

She’s the one who escaped from Charlie Sheen Island.

I follow her.

With 2.1 million others.

Her tweet said:

EXTREMELY URGENT: #IN Shelter closing, all animals not adopted by 9/30 to be killed; pls RT http://hspcanimals.org/

Now I love dogs.

We have two.

And its a good thing we don’t live in Indiana.

Or we might now have three.

Or four.

But thankfully the word spread so quickly.

Within two hours all the animals were gone.

In the good way.

The thing about twitter is you can’t blink for a second or you might miss something important.

Like some @perezhilton gossip.

Or a restaurant update from @KevinsBBQJoints.

Or a great one liner from @DannyZuker.

Or something REALLY important from @ChristineCSE.

She, a self-proclaimed...

“bleeding heart liberal and sacred cow tipper who loves her leopard kitteh and wasted oodles of time engaging in economic wonkery.”

I’m one of her 79 followers.

Just an hour after Denise saved an animal shelter, Christine went on a quest of her own.

Tweeps - please write the GA Pardons & Paroles Board, tell them there is #toomuchdoubt to execute Troy Davis next week http://bit.ly/nkRC5R

I must admit when I read this I had never heard of Troy Davis.

Or this case.

But I have now.

Long story short.

Davis was convicted in 1991 of killing an off-duty police officer two years earlier.

He is scheduled to be executed in Georgia next Wednesday.

However.

Seven of the nine original witnesses have since recanted their statements.

And.

There has never been DNA evidence linking Davis to the crime.

And.

The murder weapon was never recovered. 

Hmmmmmm.

Davis’ execution has been postponed three times before.

The appeals have gone as far as the U.S. Supreme Court.

Former President Jimmy Carter has spoken out against the execution.

So has Pope Benedict XVI, SVU.

Now I certainly have no idea if Troy Davis committed this crime.

And based on what I’ve read the last few hours, I’m not sure if anyone does.

I’m guessing if Walter Cronkite was still doing the news.

He would’ve covered this story.

At 6:30pm.

But thanks to twitter -- and @ChristineCSE -- I was able to learn about this story.

Maybe before its too late.