Baseball, Hot Dogs and... Gelato?

I got free tickets to the baseball game on Saturday night.

Three of them.

Free!

Nothing better than a free night at the ballpark, right?

Well, sorta kinda free.

If you don't count the...

$15 for parking.

$18.75 for three foot-long hot dogs.

$5 for garlic fries.

One order.

And $13.50 for three ice creams.

By my math, our free night cost $52.25.

Good thing we smuggled in the $1 water bottles we bought outside the stadium.

And it's a really good thing we are not allergic to gluten.

Whatever gluten is.

Inside the stadium I saw a “gluten-free” food stand.

Never seen that before.

Sign of the times, I suppose.

I didn't see a name on that stand.

But based on the price gauging.

It should've been called, “Kick 'Em While They're Down”.

$9.50 for a gluten-free hamburger.

($7.00 for a real burger.)

$7.50 for a gluten-free hot dog.

($4.75 for a “SUPER” dog, just 20 feet away.)

$3.50 for a bottle of gluten-free water.

(Ok, the water was the same price everywhere.)

But $3.50 for a bottle of water?

Not even Chevron would try getting away with that. 

I guess you could say anyone who went to that stand was a gluten for punishment.

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Now I certainly love the idea of helping out our hypoallergenic friends.

But those prices are insane.

Haven't they suffered enough?

Shouldn't those cardboard boxes disguised as burgers be like 19 cents?

Have you ever tasted food without gluten?

The last time I tried giving my son a hot dog without nitrates.

I thought he was going to take a swing at me.

And with his hand-eye coordination, that could really hurt.

Midway through the fourth inning, my son got a craving for those garlic fries.

And there was no way he was going to leave his seat.

So I left him and his buddy next to John Fogerty, in centerfield.

And I went in search of something that clogs your arteries.

And makes your breath smell.

At the same time.

Turns out the only place they sell them fries is right behind home plate.

In the high rent district.

As if I didn't know it already, I was reminded of the real estate when I saw the garlic fries stand right next to...

The gelato booth.

Who buys gelato at a baseball game?

What happened to an old-fashioned Carnation Malt?

Take me out to the ballgame... 

Buy me some peanuts and an Amaretto Gelato?

I don't think so.

Anywhoo...

On my way back to the seats, with garlic fries in hand.

I saw a pack of 20-something college school girls.

I noticed they were all wearing the same t-shirt.

Well, different shirts.

Same logo.

And that logo said that they were all from the same sorority.

The same sorority where I was a big brother.

When I was in college.

25 YEARS AGO!

How cool... I thought.

I gotta say hi and tell them.........

*Insert Sound of Tires Screeching *

Thankfully the left side of my brain kicked in just in the nick of time.

And reminded me.

I was old enough to be their stalker.

So I shut up.

Walked back to my seat.

And handed my son a half bag of half-eaten garlic fries.

And that's where we enjoyed the next inning.

Until it was time for ice cream.

Nothing like a free night at the ballpark.