We don’t live far from our local Sam’s Club.
You know Sam’s Club.
The younger shorter stepbrother of Costco.
Not so fast.
Believe it or not, Sam’s is actually older than Costco.
By five months.
And Sam’s is actually bigger.
With more warehouses... more warehomes?...
... more locations than its better known rival.
Well either way, we love them both.
And we are just a hop, skip and a couple of freeway exits away from either place.
And that’s not necessarily good news.
Since nearly every time we go there, our bill is all about the Benjamins.
Benjamin Franklin.
The face on the $100 bill.
But membership does have some privileges.
Today we entered Sam’s Club as a hungry family of five.
We left VERY full.
After a well-balanced 13-course sample platter.
There were chicken wings.
And chicken salad.
And chicken sausage.
And polish sausage.
And pastrami wrap.
And pesto hummus.
And fresh fruit.
And chocolate chip cookies.
And chocolate chocolate chip cookies.
And Snapple tea.
And carrot juice.
And guava nectar.
Whatever nectar is.
Oh and the Yoplait yogurt.
Mixed with Cheerios.
And granola.
They also had one-a-day vitamins for us to sample.
But we passed.
Figured we got all the supplements we needed with the other stuff.
Now before you think we were acting like Minnie the Moochers.
Think again.
We didn’t quite reach Benjamin Franklin status.
This time.
But we did give up a few Andrew Jacksons.
He’s the face on the $20 bill.
Did you know that?
Can you tell me who is on the dime?
The quarter?
The Susan B. Anthony Dollar?
You better get that one.
Somehow we started talking about who’s on what on our ride home.
The quick ride home.
It started with the $20.
Turns out I was wrong.
It’s really Andrew Jackson.
My wife knew that one.
My real guess was Alexander Hamilton.
That would make me 0-for-2.
Then we jumped to the hundy.
From my many trips to Vegas, I was sure of this one.
Big Ben.
Someone in the car blurted out....
“He wasn’t a President!”
Correct.
That revelation spun the conversation in another direction.
Who was the 13th President of the United States?
Do you know that one?
Hmmm....
Me neither.
I knew George was 1.
And Abe was 16.
And Obama is 44.
But 13?
That would take a lucky guess.
Or an iPhone.
Fortunately I had the latter.
So I searched.
And found the answer.
The car asked for the first initial in his last name.
F.
Then the first initial in his first name.
M.
My 12-year old son thought it was hysterical that his initials were M.F.
But he still didn’t have a guess.
They asked for the first name.
Now I thought that would give it away.
But I said it anyway.
Millard.
Pause.
Crickets.
Not a guess.
Which surprised me.
Considering there was an incoming high school freshman in the car.
And a 17-year elementary school teacher.
Now I’m not being critical.
I’m just sayin.
But after I announced that Millard Fillmore was the correct answer.
We moved on to President #19.
Do you know that one?
Me neither.
My wife knew that Andrew Jackson followed Abe.
But nobody knew Ulysses S. Grant was followed by Rutherford Hayes, the 19th President of the United States.
To her credit, my 14-year old daughter knew the answer 1.6 seconds after I said his first name was Rutherford.
The final Presidential challenge of the trip was #31.
To me #31 was an easy one.
Greg Maddux.
But Greg was never elected President.
Although he could’ve been the Mayor of Chicago.
The car figured out the 31st President came early in the 20th Century.
Correct.
1929.
The guesses were plenty.
And they were all good.
F.D.R.
Coolidge.
Wilson.
And that was before I announced that the first initial of his first name.
And first initial of his last name.
Were the same.
And since Woodrow W. and Calvin C. were not the correct answer.
The right answer came seconds later.
From the back of the car.
Herbert Hoover.
The 31st President of the United States.
Good answer.
Good stuff.
The type of quality family stuff you just can’t buy.
Not even at Sam’s Club.
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