Malling It Over

Shannen Doherty.

The “it” girl.

Circa 1993.

Thanks to a little zip code in Southern California.

Circa 90210.

But she wasn’t done there.

It just felt like it.

Doherty parlayed her role as Brenda Walsh into a movie career.

Ok.

A brief career.

Her 15 minutes of movie fame was more like three-and-a-half.

But she did movies.

Like the classic Rebel Highway in 1994.

Later that year she played Margaret.

In the epic Margaret Mitchell Story.

I guess you could say after leaving Beverly Hills, Doherty’s popularity was gone with the wind.

But in 1995 she got the role of a lifetime.

As Rene.

In a Kevin Smith production called "Mallrats."

Ok, not exactly Casablanca.

Or even Ishtar.

But as someone in the prime demographic for Mallrats.

At the time.

I paid my $5.

Or whatever it was.

Kevin Smith was fresh off his big debut called Clerks.

A very funny film about life in a convenience store.

For Mallrats, the story didn't change much.

Just the location.

From 7/11...

...to a mall.

At the time, a mall was THE place to hang out.

The Galleria in LA.

The Woodfield Mall in Illinois.

And some fictional mall in New Joysey.

Where Mallrats was centered.

I don't get a chance to spend much time in a mall these days.

But I did on Sunday.

The biggest mall in our area.

Not the 522+ stores they have at The Mall of America in Minnesota.

But it'll do.

At the end of the school year, my wife (the teacher) got a class gift card.

A card we could only spend at this local mall.

So we went.

My 14-year daughter starts high school in a couple of weeks.

And even more important than text books.

She needed clothes.

Cool clothes.

And based on the signs on the window, we must've been in the right place.

At the right time.

You couldn’t walk three feet without seeing a sale sign.

Or a clearance sign.

Or some sign that said SHOP HERE.

In every way possible.

Now I feel good about my creative writing.

But these sale writers have got me beat.

By a lot.

They’ve come up with 75 ways to say the same thing:

Hot Summer Sale at Skechers.

Huge Savings at GNC.

Sizzling Clearance Saving at Claires.

It’s hot!

It's huge!

It’s sizzling!I better hurry before it cools down.

Sale In Progress at Johnston and Murphy.

Semi-Annual Sale at Clarks.

Limited Time Only at Cache.

Limited time..  

Um... uh...  oh...

STOP PRESSURING ME!


Season Finale at Janie and Jack.

Last Call Sale at Nieman Marcus.

Last Chance at BCBGMAXAZRIA.

I gotta remember to use BCBGMAXAZRIA the next time I play Scrabble.

Quadruple word score.

40% off your purchase at The Gap.
Take an additional 50% off redlines at Abercrombie & Fitch.

Take an EXTRA 50% off at Talbots.

50% off clothes.

That are marked up by 300%.

Priceless.

Extra 20% if I open a Macy's Credit Card.

20% off...

That’ll help pay for the 30% interest rate on the credit card.

Soda refills at Subway are free.  Today only.

Soda refills at the Greek Restaurant... .75.

Note to self...

Get food at the Greek Restaurant.

Get drinks at Subway.

Next season on sale now at Nordstrom.

First they sell 2011 cars in 2010.

Now this.

What is the world coming to?

This mall pressure is way too much for anyone to handle.

ENOUGH ALREADY!

Well even with all the pressure, we still had a very successful day at the mall.

Spending every single penny on that gift card.

And $7.98 more.

Such a deal.