Sick and Twisted

Nobody has ever died of a Vitamin-C overdose.

Well I can’t confirm that.

But when I googled “Vitamin C” and “Overdose”.

Nothing like that came up.

So it must be true.

And that’s a good thing.

Because I think I tested the limits yesterday.

Disclaimer:   If you take too much Vitamin C, you can get a bad case of the runs, maybe even some hurling.   If that happens, the internet says, stop taking Vitamin C and drink lotsa water.

You see, I developed this nasty head cold.

And I tried throwing everything with a C at it.

Emergen-C.

Cough Drops with Vitamin C.

Vitamin C tablets.

There were so many C’s, I thought I was looking at my college transcripts.

Even at lunch, one serving of my barbecue potato chips had 10% of the daily vitamin C requirement.

Really.

Good thing I had four servings.

But even with all that, this cold was kicking my behind.

And I couldn’t limit my meds to just the letter C.

I had my one a day vitamin.

Tylenol.

Tussin DM.

The younger, cheaper brother of Robitussin.

Don’t worry.

I took the recommended dosage.

At the recommended times.

But nothing was working.

I stayed hydrated.

With water.

And Vitamin Water.

And this concoction from Starbucks that some barista threw my way a couple of years ago.

Hot tea.

Honey.

And steamed lemonade.

A shot or two.

Honestly, I have no idea if it works.

But the good news is they have no idea how to charge me for a shot (or two) of steamed lemonade.

So they rarely do.

When I’m sick, I will listen to anyone who has a cure.

Gargling with warm salt water.

Chicken soup.

Steam.

Vicks VapoRub.

Euthanasia.

Echinacea.

Whatever.

You name it.

I’ve tried it.

And exactly... none of them work.

Well, none of them work right away.

I’m sure they all work with a good night sleep.

But how I am supposed to sleep when my nose is stuffed like a thanksgiving turkey?

And my throat is as raw as the daily special at Sushi Roku.

And my eyes are as watery as...

Well you get it.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have the luxury of lying in bed.

I had already committed to a field trip with my sixth grade son’s class.

And I wasn’t going to pass on that.

I had done that too many times in the past.

So I brought my box of kleenex.

And my sack lunch.

And I got on the bus.

Sitting next to me was one of the teachers.

And she sniffed out pretty quickly that I had the sniffles.

So she suggested a new remedy.

Well, a new one for me.

Take two tablespoons of Apple Cider Vinegar.

Mix in some Cayenne Pepper.

And gargle.

Who came up with this?

Dr. Emmett L. Brown?

I don’t think so.

But thanks for thinking of me.

So I fumbled and stumbled my way through the trip.

And through the rest of the day.

Until it was time for my son’s basketball practice.

By this point, I was major league hurting.

But I’m an assistant coach on the team.

And what kind of role model would I be if I missed practice.

When we got there, the head coach realized pretty quickly that I left my A-game at home.

But instead of sending me there.

He sent me to the store.

“Have you ever tried ACV?”, he said.

ACV?

Before I could figure out he wasn’t talking about something sold in a dark alley, he jumped in.

“Apple Cider Vinegar.”

Ex-squeeze me.

Baking powder.

“Wow,” I said.  “I was told earlier today to gargle it.”

“With Cayenne Pepper.”

“Don’t gargle it,” he snapped back.

“Drink it!”

So let me get this straight, I’m supposed to drink Apple Cider Vinegar?

Actually, Organic Apple Cider Vinegar.

And that is going to cure me.

“Yep,” he said.

He told me that it cured him of pneumonia in 2006.

And he hasn’t been sick since.

Anytime he feels a bug coming on.

Mix two tablespoons of vinegar with a glass of water.

And presto chango, “you feel better in 20 minutes.”

20 minutes?

Where do I sign?

“Whole Foods,” he said.  “They have the organic kind.”

So after practice, I headed over there, got the goods and took it home.

$4.99 for one of them big jugs.

And I did exactly as instructed.

The glass of water.

The two tablespoons.

And within minutes....

My stomach was burning.

Well, not burning burning.

But I could feel it.

But I could also feel myself feeling better.

I’m not sure how much of this was in my head.

And how much of this was in my blood.

But somehow this little ACV thing actually worked.

Well it worked for now.

I’ll know more in the morning.

If I wake up.