Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Sleepless in New York

4:57am
So when was the last time you had one of those nights?
You know...
So much Tossin’ and Turnin’, you thought somebody was listening to the soundtrack from Animal House.
One of those nights where you can’t fall asleep until the credits for Poker after Dark are over.
And you still manage to wakeup before Good Morning America.
One of those nights where the sheep you are counting fall asleep before you do.
A night where no matter how many spoonfuls of ice cream you eat from the tub, it won’t make the knot in your stomach go away.
A night where you put on your jacket and you ran through the woods and you ran till you thought your chest would explode.
Ok, that last part was from a Bruce Springsteen song.
A great song called “Downbound Train.”
If you haven’t heard it, it starts like this...
I had a job, I had a girl
I had something going mister in this world
I got laid off down at the lumber yard
Our love went bad, times got hard
Now I work down at the carwash
Where all it ever does is rain
Don't you feel like you're a rider on a downbound train
Come on...  
...“now I work down at the car wash, where all it ever does is rain”...
Really.
I have written like 200,000 words for this blog and Bruce summed it up in 14.
Focus Bacon Focus!!!!!!!
Oh, sorry.
5:09am
Back to my life.
So here I am, sitting at the computer, trying to lasso my emotions in motion.
Trying to put my thoughts into words.
Trying to connect with the therapeutic part of writing this blog that has kept me afloat.
Even during the toughest of times.
The recipe has been very simple for me.
  •   Feel something
  •   Write about it
  •   Make a subtle reference to Oingo Boingo or George Costanza so nobody knows what you are talking about
  •   Hit Publish
Somehow by the end of my 80’s flashback, you’ve been entertained.
And I feel better.
I got quite the compliment from an anonymous reader the other day, at least I think it was a compliment.
I don't know if you mean to, or not, but your blog entries are the rare combination of: funny, thought-provoking and at times, head shaking.

Keep up the great work!!
!
Thank you.
I think.
5:31am
Writing for me has worked a lot better than any other drug.
Better than the beer in my fridge.
Or the Tylenol in my medicine cabinet.
Or even the ice cream in my freezer.
What’s left of it.
In the good times and the bad, I have found a friend in my keyboard who has helped me deal with my reality.
Whatever that reality is.
In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m going through some stuff right now.
I would even qualify it as some serious stuff.
So serious, for me, that I can’t sleep.
I’ve got one of those decisions that I need to make and make it soon.
One of those decisions where you write the good on one side of the paper.
And the bad on the other.
One of those decisions where you call your friends to see what they would do.
If it was their life.
I have evaluated and re-evaluated this scenario so many times, even I’m tired of listening to myself.
I called my wife at 5:45pm last night.
Then we spoke again at 9:45pm.
Then I called her again at Midnight, her time.
Things are so bad, I had to buy more minutes at the AT&T store.
Fortunately they drop half of my calls, so the bill is not too much.
5:47am
Well here I am, almost an hour after I started and I pretty much got nowhere.
My issue is still there.
The knot is still in my stomach.
And I still can’t sleep. 
But somehow I feel better.
I wonder if there is any ice cream left?






1 comment:

Channon said...

We are all rooting for you!