No Waffling Here

I used to love those commercials.

You know the ones where the most sugary of sugary cereals were “part of a well-balanced breakfast.”

And I used to believe those commercials too.

Basically, they placed a big bowl of Cereal X next to a plate of eggs with bacon and toast and orange juice and milk.

The “balanced” part was the fact that they showed about nine food groups.

The “well” part?

I’m still not sure.

But my parents bought the cereal.

And that was all that mattered.

After all, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Mom says it.

Denny says it.

They say it.

"They" include a nutritionist at the Mayo Clinic who said “eating breakfast reduces your hunger later in the day.”

And a website I’ve never heard of said “children who regularly ate breakfast had better test scores and better behavior.”

And the American Dietetic Association who reported that “adults who eat breakfast have an easier time losing weight.”

Now I’ll buy most of that, but as for this stuff about losing weight.

I’m throwing the red challenge flag.

Clearly the ADA has never been to the Waffle House.

That’s where my family and probably a couple hundred thousand of others dined on Sunday morning.

There are more than 1,600 Waffle Houses... Waffle Homes?... across 25 of our great states.

Serving well-balanced breakfasts.

Well balanced, if you count Waffles, Eggs, Bacon, Hash Browns, Chili and Cheese Omelette, Biscuits, Toast.

The Texas Bacon Cheesesteak Melt Sandwich.

And Pecan Pie for dessert.

At least that’s what we had.

All of that.

And we weren’t the only ones.

This is the second time we’ve been to our local Waffle House in 2011.

And both times the place has been packed.

And based on the stats listed at wafflehouse.com, they haven’t had too many empty seats since they opened up.

In 1955.

Since then, the Waffle House has served:

495,264,367 Waffles

957,041,599 Cups of Coffee

1,173,838,328 Hashbrown

370,545,935 Sausage Patties

786,449,152 Bacon Strips

14,899,594 Slices of Ham

1,527,602,959.24 Eggs

22,217,455 Slices of Pie

123,587,123 T-bone Steaks

115,220,427 Hamburger

479,312,699 Glasses of Coke

1,108,574,633 Order of Grits

72,567,509 Cheese n' Eggs

204,164,660 Omelets

And counting.

And we added to it.

Our waitress did a wonderful job of making us feel special.

Her name was Diamond.

In fact, I hadn’t been served this well by a lady named Diamond since the last time I was in Vegas.

My coffee cup never made it below the half-way mark.

Not bad for $1.40.

Take that Starbucks.

In fact the entire meal for five was like $38.

Including the tip.

And the 35 extra cents I paid to upgrade my bread.

To Raisin Toast.

I just wish I would’ve asked for it dry, without butter.

Not that it would’ve mattered.

There’s not a whole lot of things Jenny Craig would eat on that menu.

And they make everything sound so good.

For example, a sign says the T-Bone Steak is “delicious”.

And that the Chicken Noodle soup is “mazing.”

No A.

And that Waffle House is “the World’s Leading Server of REAL Hash Browns.”

And these aren’t just any Hash Browns.

These are REAL.

And you can order them nine different ways:

• Smothered (Sauteed Onions)
• Covered (Melted Cheese)
• Chunked (Grilled Ham)
• Diced (Grilled Tomatoes)
• Peppered (Spicy Jalapenos)
• Capped (Grilled Mushrooms)
• Topped (Bert’s Chili)
• Country (Sausage Gravy)

Or... “All the Way”.

I didn’t ask.

But I’m guessing “All the Way” means 1-8.

Which gets you a free call to 9-1-1.

If there was one thing that didn’t work for me, it was the location of our table.

We were the ones closest to the swinging door, which opened up to the storage area.

The storage area which included a hanging sticky fly trap.

A full hanging sticky fly trap.

In full view.

It looked like they hadn't changed it since 1955.

Honestly I didn’t need to see that to complete the meal.

But it’s amazing how a full plate of well done REAL Hash Browns can distract you from anything.

Well, almost anything.

At one point my son dropped his precious piece of bacon.

In most cases, we play by the five-second rule.

Not at Waffle House.   Too many footsteps.

You drop it, you lose it.

No five-second rule here.

Not for us.

Fortunately there were still plenty of other delicious options to complete his well-balanced meal.