Guiding Light

True story.

Our tour guide is one wild and crazy guy.

True story.

Every time -- or at least every other time he has told us a story the sentence ends with...

“True story.”

The first time I was thinking... “Wow, that’s a true story?  Cool.”

The 70th time.

That day.

It got to be very annoying.

And predictable.

As did his exclamation -- WRONG ANSWER.

Each time he asks a question about a random fact and one of our 8th graders gets it wrong.

He means no harm.

He’s just there to educate.

And entertain.

Not necessarily in that order.

You could see it from the first time we saw him.

He showed up wearing an American Flag.

Well it was a polo shirt.

That looked exactly like a flag.

Front and back.

With an American Flag hat.

Then he grabbed the mic.

And the rest is history.

I’m sure he uses the same jokes all the time.

But the problem is that he uses the same jokes all day.

There are certain jobs that certain people are just cut out for.

In college I delivered pizza.

In reality I would’ve been much better off eating pizza.

Tour guide -- not so much.

First of all you have to remember scripts.

And details.

I can’t remember any of that.

This guy has found his calling.

Do you know the first ever flavor of ice cream?

Vanilla?

WRONG ANSWER.

The right answer is tomato.

Our tour guide knows that.

He told us.

Did you know that DC stands for “Definitely Controversial?”

He told us.

Five times.

True story.

Did you know the Washington Monument is 555 feet tall.

Plus eight inches.

With 897 steps.

He does.

And that the monument has an aluminum cap on it.

He does.

Did you know that aluminum spelled backwards is... 

Muni Mula.

He does.

He told us.

Did you know our tour guide has been doing this since 1492?

He told us.

Four times!

True story.

He knows his nursery rhymes too.

Several times his phone has rang during his presentation.

And several times he answered...

“Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.”

With his mic open for all of us to hear.

One time when his phone rang he looked at his caller ID and told us it was the President.

The call ended with, “say hi to Michelle.”

Straight out of central casting.

To say this dude is quirky is like saying...

I don’t know what it’s like saying.

But this guy is a nut.

N-U-T.

True story.